What would my life count for at the end of the day?

Time flies and I have been on exchange for about 4 months and recently I have been reflecting on my travels thus far.

Being abroad is not easy and sometimes you lose focus of God while you busy yourself with all the frantic planning and going on travels.

I remember an incident where I was struggling to go for Hope fest during the Easter period because my housemates were traveling to Italy and it was a place I wanted to go so badly.

I shared this with my Shepherd and she told me something that really stayed in my heart. 

Indeed, there will be many other opportunities to travel leisurely to Europe but how often will you get to join a camp in Europe and serve God?

I guess that somehow on exchange, I had been distracted by my wanderlust and have been too ambitious in wanting to travel as much as I can. I carry the mentality that since I am already here in Europe, I should do as much traveling as I can. The opportunity only comes once. She gave a verse from Luke 10:38-42

[As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.]

I reflected upon it and realised I had been like Martha. Being on exchange, I wanted to do so much, I had so much dreams waiting to be fulfilled. I busied myself with researching and planning for trips. And in the process of that, I neglected God often. I left Him out of the equation while planning. I wanted to fulfill my own selfish desires and enjoy myself. As I was scrolling through my facebook newsfeed, I saw a sister's status about traveling, it went something like this:

“I often click on the many Places to Visit Before You Die and wait for the beautiful pictures to load. Each one promises something bigger, more exclusive than what I have ever seen (on newsfeed) or much less been to.

Between the wanderlust monster in me, I wondered in mild amusement if I would really die happier or fulfilled my life purpose by pursuing it. YOLO, a modern adage to live by...What would my life count for the end of the day? What would really matter to me in the last few years of my life?”

I felt that it really spoke out to me. So what if I manage to travel and visit many places? What would my life count for at the end of the day? All these will fade away when time comes. But what I invest in God's kingdom will never fade, it is eternal.

I have been thinking about my traveling thus far and felt that something was missing, looking at attractions after attractions and they look similar, even mundane at times. They don’t seem to awe me as much as when I first started traveling and I was a little tired. (I might offend people who might not have the privilege to travel but trust me, traveling is not all that beautiful and sometimes it may have been over glamorized by the media. It is not just tired physically but also mentally) It was then I knew that only God will satisfy me and continue to awe me constantly with His love, grace and faithfulness and mercies new every day. I have been looking to satisfy myself through traveling and yet I have been looking for all these in the wrong direction. All we have to do is to slow down and spend time with Him, He who is the creator of all things beautiful.

Yes God, you never fail to amaze me with Your ways. I am truly in awe of You.

Forgiveness

“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.”

― C.S. Lewis

During LG today, we watched a sermon on forgiveness which is a special production by Hope Singapore. The message of forgiveness hit me right on the spot.

Indeed, it is easy to say to another, forgive that person.

But how many of us can really do it easily and gracefully. Forgiveness is a painful process, it takes a piece of us but yet when we forgive, we are healed.

Just let go and let God. Many times, we hold on too tightly to our grudges because we are so hurt and broken inside. All we have to do is just to release those tight fists and lay it at the cross. He knows and He understands.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

When I am aware of my weaknesses, I know that my God is indeed powerful and perfect in all ways. Indeed, when I focus on God's grace, it was then I realized God forgave me when I sinned and His love for us is so outrageous that He was willing to die on the cross for us to pay for our sins. God forgave me when I was so difficult to love. He forgave those who persecuted Him at the cross of Calvary, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:34) There is just so much I needed to learn and grown in this area. What would Jesus have done if He was me? Would He be petty and remember the wrongs? No, He would be gracious and forgiven them instead of staying angry. That was when I realised how petty and small-minded I was. That would not have made me any different from others. Being Christian is about dying to oneself, our own selfish ways and taking up the cross, being more Christ-like in our everyday lives, it is definitely not easy and God has opened my eyes to this during exchange.

Luke 9:23

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

Jesus, help me to be more like you each and everyday. 

God speaks to us through amazing ways

When God speak to us, He can do so in the least expected ways...

As I was lying lazily on the lazy river at the Wild Wild Wet and floating around leisurely, I laid back and looked at the clear blue sky, giving thanks to Him for the super good weather.

For a moment earlier, this would not have been possible.

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When I left the house, it was still pretty clear and I cheered a little in my heart. "Yes, finally, after the slate of bad weather for the week." However, my happiness was almost short-lived as I left the house, it began to drizzle. I thought nothing of the small drizzle. But alas, on the MRT from Eunos to Pasir Ris, the rain simply got heavier and heavier and my heart sank. The sky was just too gloomy for any swimming or fun. My concerned mum called me and asked me to turn back home. I was adamant and I told her that I believed the rain would stop. I whispered a prayer in my heart on the train, I said “ God, I pray for good weather so that I can go swimming at www, I really want to go. I do not want to make a wasted trip. No one can control the weather but you God, you who is in control of everything” I couldn't do anything else but pray and wait.

Just one stop away at Tampines, it was still raining heavily with no signs of relent.

Miraculously, when the train arrived at Pasir Ris, the weather was clear and not too sunny. Prefect prefect weather! Thank God!

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As I fixed my eyes on the blue sky while in my float, I thought to myself, wow how vast is the blue sky, God I am so tiny yet you are able to hear and see me. How amazing! The reason why I could enjoy the Sunday lazy on my float is because of You. You who controls everything.

I closed my eyes and relaxed myself, focusing my thoughts on Him. One of my favourite songs, Oceans by hillsong came to my mind.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior x 4

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine

It occurred to me how our life is so similar to a boat in the ocean, and here I am in a float in the lazy river (similar analogy) Just as how sometimes I feel that I have no control over my life (like how I simple didn't have any control of the float on the lazy river), I allow myself to drift aimlessly, letting the currents bring me wherever they want.

Yet I said a prayer to God then. I told God, "Take full control of my life, complete control, teach me to surrender all to you. I am nothing without you." In life, sometimes we feel that we do not have control of our lives and appear to have no sense of direction, but when God takes control and steers the wheel, He would be sure to steer us in the right direction and will not harm us for He wants the best for us.

At that moment as an action of faith, I decided to close by eyes and entrust things to Him. I had already gone several rounds of lazy river before and it can be a little tad annoying at times, where I would bump into other floats of the people around me or the wall surrounding the lazy river pool, impeding the flow of my own float. In the same way, I related this to the obstacles and struggles we face in life. However, if we completely trust God to take control of our lives, He would take care to make sure we do not come into hard bumps or if we do, He would cushion us to lessen the impact. His plans are always perfect, if only we learn how to trust Him. There was this part of the lazy river where there are showers of water falling on you and it can be a tad painful, I likened this to the storms and rainy seasons of our life. Yes indeed, Christian life is not a bed of roses, we would weather tough times along the way, but we must always keep our faith in Him that He will deliver. God is using those tough times to challenge our faith and to mold us into better individuals. Sometimes, in the least expected of ways, he is able to turn your struggles in life into a great blessing to you and others around you. There would always sunshine after the rain and a rainbow which is a sign of His covenant with Man.

And guess what, after lying there for about, 20 odd minutes, I did not bump into anything during the course :) God's hand was at work

The www float that I was in had two handles, one for left and the other for right hand. During the lazy river ride, I clung on to the handles.

                                         

Shortly after I completed the entire course with my eyes closed, I opened my eyes and I saw the right hand wordings on the float changed to God’s hands. I blinked my eyes in disbelief. Wow was I just imagining? Was God holding me by the right hand just now?

Wow, just wow. I was awe-struck.

A revelation from lazing at the lazy river. God is really amazing, He speaks through anything and everything.

To be honest, I was a little doubtful since it could be just an illusion or hallucination on my part. Been kinda stressful lately.

After dinner, my friend and I were shopping around Pasir Ris area and we walked into a shop which sold an assortment of things. As I was browsing around, this scroll caught my eye.

Notice the 3rd paragraph! I was amazed beyond words. A 2^nd time I was reminded that God was holding me by the right hand!

What could it mean?

When I went back, I went to check up verses that mentioned God’s right hand.

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

To my surprise again, my bible already had a little bookmark at the edge of the page where these two verses were. The 3^rd sign!

Indeed God was trying to speak to me and I wasn't imagining things! God wants to tell me not to be afraid of whatever that may come, for He will always be with me and holding me by the right hand :’)

Thank you Papa.

Excited to see what You are going to do with my life!

Fasting from FB and Instagram and focusing on the One that is the most important

This week, I embarked on a social media fasting from Facebook and Instagram as I find myself getting too engrossed with it sometimes even to the extent of neglecting God and spending less time with Him.

Yeah it may seem laughable to some of you but I struggle with obsession over social media.

I would find myself surfing aimlessly and checking almost obsessively even if there is nothing interesting going on, it feels like as though sometimes I do not have the control to stop. Perhaps I do it to fill the emptiness within. It was like you're so used to using it that you don't even notice that it is slowly sapping your life away.

I usually don't think much of my surfing habits on social media, until I saw my good friend fasting from it. She challenged me to do so as well and I thought, yeah why not?

I guess the reason why people find social media so attractive is because through it, we are able to get approval and gratification. We are concerned with how other people look upon us and worry if we are like- able in people's eyes. All those likes, comments, hearts etc. We want all these likes and hearts to reaffirm ourselves, our existence and our worth. Some people may not have this issue but I find myself falling into this endless abyss. 

Dear God, teach me not to be obsessed with all these superficial approvals from others. These are not what I should pursue after. Instead, let me aim to please you God and work for your affirmation. What good are affirmations from man alone? Help me to overcome my reliance on social media as well as this unhealthy obsession over seeking approval via social media. God, keep me accountable. 

Fasting helped me to focus on seeking approval from God, the One with High, whose opinion that matters most.

It was a little tough resisting the temptation of going on to the websites since I was used to logging on whenever I am free or travelling or in between breaks. By His strength, I managed to overcome it all. On the 5^th day of fasting, I found myself breaking away from the restraint of social media and I wasn't reliant on it.

I had extra time to do other things. I began to spend more time with God, I spent my time listening to sermons from Joel Osteen and meditating on His word through reading the bible. I felt closer to God and experienced more of Him. 

As what Joel Osteen said through his sermon, you are what you listen, watch, come into contact etc. If something is unhealthy or eating you away, cut it away from you. Fill your life with more of God. 

I was reminded of this verse Mark 9: 43-47

"If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell."

A reminder to self: more of You and less of me, God.

Showered with blessings

When I think back about my spiritual life and my walk with God, it hadn't been an easy one to be honest.

I have backslided, fallen from grace and distanced myself away from Him.

But still He remains faithful, His love never failing.

I have learnt to be thankful for every single thing in my life, big or small, for they happen not by chance or coincidence but by His grace and mercy.

Amidst the busy school work and all, it is always important to remind ourselves to put God first in our life. Sometimes it is not easy and we get distracted but He knows our needs and will provide. I have to say that God has been truly wonderful and working in my life these past few weeks especially. Feeling really really blessed :)

1. Passed my piano grade 8 exam

It has been a long arduous journey! 12 years, 3 teachers. I know of friends who complete grade 8 in less than 8 years and sometimes I do feel inferior with thoughts of giving up along the way. But somehow, I managed to press on until the grand old age of 21. My first piano teacher was not an honest one, I got to take my grade 2 exam only after 5 years learning under her. It impeded my growth and my parents decided that I should switch to a new piano teacher. My second piano teacher was introduced by a friend in church. I loved learning under her although she was strict and I soon progressed to grade 7 in less than 3 years. By a twist of fate, God took her back and relieved her of her suffering from cancer whilst I was learning under her. I was naturally devastated and I stopped learning for a few years. I picked up piano lessons again in university and the journey wasn't a smooth one since I was staying in hall and I did not have ample time to practice. God is indeed faithful. I wasn't confident of passing my grade 8 piano exam and even on the eve of the exam, I hasn't completely mastered what I was supposed to play for the exam. I was juggling the grade 8 piano exam with a couple of other commitments then. He saw me through and granted me the strength to persevere on even when the times seem tough. All glory goes to Him! I was really thrilled when I received the call from the music school to inform me that I passed! Thank God for no retakes :)

2. Passed my URECA

Passing URECA may not seem to be a big deal for most people but it was a rather pleasant surprise for me. To tell the truth, sometimes I question myself as to why I even picked up the module as I wasn't truly interested in the research field. Moreover, I wasn't exactly prepared for the long hours that I had to invest into URECA and I envied those friends who could enjoy and spend their holidays playing while I was stuck at the lab. Thank God the long hours spent paid off and He opened my eyes to show me that teaching was a right choice I made as I am not suited for lab work.

3.Got a hall for my third year

God answered my prayers for a hall though it wasn't exactly the hall I envisioned to be but still I am really really thankful! At least I don't have to travel 2 hours from the east to the west everyday and I can sleep in more :) Thank God for the opportunity to stay hall for 3 years!

4.University of Manchester for exchange

8 spots with a total of 18 people vying for it. Works out to less than 50% chance of getting it. I practically got a heart attack when I saw the statistics jumping up like crazy on the last day of application. I was really worried that I wouldn't get a spot but I prayed that if it is God's will for me to go to Manchester, I will go and if it isn't, He would arrange a better school for me. Thank God I secured a spot! Manchester here I come! :)

I applied alone without any friends but by His way, one of my close friends introduced me to her friends who are going to Manchester as well! Thank God for fellow Singaporeans who I can share a flat with :)

5. Relatively slack timetable

I thank God for a relatively less busy timetable compared to past semesters so that I can spend more time with my family and friends as well as to bless the people around me. I also got to spend more quiet time with Him and it has been truly awesome :)

The end of one journey is the road to something new :)

And so,

4 weeks of my attachment has come to an end. The end of an attachment is always a bittersweet affair.

Bitter; as I can’t bear to say farewell to a school I had grown to be fond of, and also of the wonderful people I have met whilst doing the attachment.

Sweet; as I have taken away memories that will stay with me for a lifetime.

I guess this warrants a mandatory post as sort of a closing for my experience thus far teaching at BNSS.

This may not be my first time teaching in a school formally but this experience has further convinced me that my decision to take up teaching as a career was right.

I really want to thank God for sending me angels in the form of wonderful colleagues, mentors and students during my attachment. I received so much encouragement from my mentors and fellow trainees and it is always inspiring to hear them share their stories and experiences. They are my source of motivation. The classes that I was assigned to were manageable and a joy to teach!  Praise God for that! I have heard stories from friends who have had not-so-pleasant experience at other schools but mine was very smooth-sailing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It definitely is God’s grace that I had such a fulfilling journey. Even during trying times when I was juggling my piano exams, preparing for lessons for many classes and carrying out my school project, He constantly watched over me and guided me every single step of my journey. I barely slept a wink during my attachment since I had after school commitments at hand as well, so it was pretty draining at times (the long hours in school doesn’t help) but I was genuinely happy.  Thank God I survived! All in all I was blessed richly and abundantly during my 4 weeks attachment, learning and growing together with the students J

A colleague gave me a farewell card with a quote that I felt was really apt and meaningful so I thought I would share it here:

“God has not promised skies always blue, flower-strewn pathways all our lives through; God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain. But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labour, light for the way, grace for the trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy, undying love.”

Indeed, teaching is not an easy job.

Many people have struggled.

Many have burnt out.

Many have been disillusioned.

But as with every job, there will be its difficulties. However, it is all these trials and challenges that will help us to grow and eventually shaping us into the very people that God wants us to be. I came into teaching knowing that it wasn't going to be a bed of roses and I knew what I was in for. I have never regretted making that decision and signing my name on the bond that would determine my career path at least for the next 4 years. Teaching may be frustrating at times but the rewards are probably endless and boundless.

One of the incidents that struck me the most was when I got to interact one on one with an at-risk students from the normal technical class. He was caught smoking again for the umpteenth time and was about to be sent to a social worker. I was at a loss for words since it was an impromptu affair by the discipline mistress who wanted me to counsel the boy. I was worried that the boy would refuse to talk to me or act rebellious since he was pretty notorious in school for being rather defiant.

To my surprise, he was a pleasant boy when we interacted one-on-one. I guess when you separate rebellious boys away from their group; they become more vulnerable alone without the strength of a group. It is only when they are out of their comfort zone that you get to see their true selves. He opened up to me on his family background and life story. It was truly heart-wrenching to see a young boy like him going through so much. The lack of love at home led him to turn to gangs outside of school which provided him with companionship that he simply could not get at home. He stayed out late everyday as he felt that there was no point going back to an empty, void home.

I asked if he had any dreams of his own and he paused for a moment. He told me that he was good at a particular arcade game and pool and he wanted to be a professional at that. It is not a conventional aspiration that people would usually have but I encouraged him nonetheless that it is good to have dreams and to continue to dream big. It is only with dreams that we can do greater things. 

I ventured further, asking if he ever felt that what he did would upset his parents. He only replied “I don’t think they would care.” I saw the look on his face. It was that of a young boy who simply wanted someone to care for him. He just looked so forlorn. I was heartbroken. My voice quivered as I struggled to gain composure. I was the one who was supposed to counsel him and help him to see “the light” and yet at the moment, I felt that I had learnt so much from him, one who is so much younger than I was. I could not do anything much except to give him a squeeze on his hand to comfort him. I prayed that God would give him peace in his heart and that he will mend his ways.

It reminded me that as a teacher, one should never judge people based on their behaviour and the need to delve into why some kids behave in certain ways. Once you go beneath that and understand them through conversation, you discover that they are actually really wonderful and innocent kids. It just takes a little more effort to know your students and it could really mean a lot to them. As teachers, we do not merely impart knowledge that can be found in textbooks, but we influence and mould the children into people of substance and teach them values that will stay with them for a lifetime.

Thinking from a student's perspective

During my attachment, I got to teach two classes of Sec 1 academic students science.

Partly out of curiosity, I used two different methods: the first one being the whiteboard and visualizer while the other being the computer using the software prezi as well as showing videos related to the concept that I was about to teach. Both were on the topic of osmosis. It was pretty evident that the class which was taught using the whiteboard and visualizer got kinda bored after awhile and it was pretty hard to keep them engaged for long. Being secondary 1 students from the academic stream, there was a need to keep them engaged through hands-on activities or interesting nuggets to keep them awake. As expected, I got a totally different response from the other class. They were almost swooning over the visuals I used in my class which got them talking and listening more attentively during class. I even brought some water babies during class to illustrate the concept of osmosis. Some students even requested for more water babies to bring home so that they can do it on their own. One student got so excited that he shouted out to me when I walked past the class to tell me that his water babies had grown. It made me realize that teaching is not merely the delivering of content itself, you need to tailor it specially for your students so that they can understand it to the best of their own abilities. One may be good at delivering content but how much can you confidently say that you have successfully engaged your students and they have truly learnt from your lessons? Being in the age of technology, our students are indeed getting more IT-savvy. It is vital that we make full use of IT during lessons to engage them and enhance their learning. Teaching can no longer be done using the merely the traditional whiteboard style that our generation is used to.

One of the difficulties in teaching a normal academic class was getting them to translate what they have learnt into writing. Usually in between lessons and after lessons, I would give them a short test verbally and get them to answer questions on the spot related to what I had taught so far as a way to consolidate and reinforce their learning. They did not have any problems answering my questions and I was pleased as it showed that they understood the lesson. However, when the exact same questions were given to them in the form of structured questions on paper, they were evidently stumped by it. Honestly, I was rather taken aback by what I saw. If they could answer the questions verbally, then why were they stumped by the same questions in words? Weren't they the same? I guess it boiled down to their language ability ( ability to express their answer in words and proper sentences) It dawned upon me that there was nothing wrong in their science concepts but rather, they are often penalized based on their ability to write their answers in proper sentences. This is rather unfortunate. I asked myself: Are exams testing their knowledge of science or the use of their language? I guess it could be more beneficial for them if their examination could be in verbal form or some help in the form of helping words or filling in of blanks.

As adult teachers, we tend to take for granted certain concepts that seem so easy to us but may be difficult for the students. One important lesson that I took away from my mentor is that I should sit down and think through what are the things that the kids do not know, it could be in the form of new words, jargon that we may take for granted. Always always put yourself in the shoes of the students. Some students may be slower learners so we need to be aware of that and slow down pace for them to digest and understand.

Break down information into bite-size bits for them, repeat key words every now and then every if it means being very naggy. Some of these students from the academic stream are visual learner so they need to see concepts visually. Using real life analogies that are applicable to their daily lives would be extremely helpful in their learning and make it relevant to them!

Just some thoughts :)