What would my life count for at the end of the day?

Time flies and I have been on exchange for about 4 months and recently I have been reflecting on my travels thus far.

Being abroad is not easy and sometimes you lose focus of God while you busy yourself with all the frantic planning and going on travels.

I remember an incident where I was struggling to go for Hope fest during the Easter period because my housemates were traveling to Italy and it was a place I wanted to go so badly.

I shared this with my Shepherd and she told me something that really stayed in my heart. 

Indeed, there will be many other opportunities to travel leisurely to Europe but how often will you get to join a camp in Europe and serve God?

I guess that somehow on exchange, I had been distracted by my wanderlust and have been too ambitious in wanting to travel as much as I can. I carry the mentality that since I am already here in Europe, I should do as much traveling as I can. The opportunity only comes once. She gave a verse from Luke 10:38-42

[As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.]

I reflected upon it and realised I had been like Martha. Being on exchange, I wanted to do so much, I had so much dreams waiting to be fulfilled. I busied myself with researching and planning for trips. And in the process of that, I neglected God often. I left Him out of the equation while planning. I wanted to fulfill my own selfish desires and enjoy myself. As I was scrolling through my facebook newsfeed, I saw a sister's status about traveling, it went something like this:

“I often click on the many Places to Visit Before You Die and wait for the beautiful pictures to load. Each one promises something bigger, more exclusive than what I have ever seen (on newsfeed) or much less been to.

Between the wanderlust monster in me, I wondered in mild amusement if I would really die happier or fulfilled my life purpose by pursuing it. YOLO, a modern adage to live by...What would my life count for the end of the day? What would really matter to me in the last few years of my life?”

I felt that it really spoke out to me. So what if I manage to travel and visit many places? What would my life count for at the end of the day? All these will fade away when time comes. But what I invest in God's kingdom will never fade, it is eternal.

I have been thinking about my traveling thus far and felt that something was missing, looking at attractions after attractions and they look similar, even mundane at times. They don’t seem to awe me as much as when I first started traveling and I was a little tired. (I might offend people who might not have the privilege to travel but trust me, traveling is not all that beautiful and sometimes it may have been over glamorized by the media. It is not just tired physically but also mentally) It was then I knew that only God will satisfy me and continue to awe me constantly with His love, grace and faithfulness and mercies new every day. I have been looking to satisfy myself through traveling and yet I have been looking for all these in the wrong direction. All we have to do is to slow down and spend time with Him, He who is the creator of all things beautiful.

Yes God, you never fail to amaze me with Your ways. I am truly in awe of You.

Forgiveness

“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.”

― C.S. Lewis

During LG today, we watched a sermon on forgiveness which is a special production by Hope Singapore. The message of forgiveness hit me right on the spot.

Indeed, it is easy to say to another, forgive that person.

But how many of us can really do it easily and gracefully. Forgiveness is a painful process, it takes a piece of us but yet when we forgive, we are healed.

Just let go and let God. Many times, we hold on too tightly to our grudges because we are so hurt and broken inside. All we have to do is just to release those tight fists and lay it at the cross. He knows and He understands.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

When I am aware of my weaknesses, I know that my God is indeed powerful and perfect in all ways. Indeed, when I focus on God's grace, it was then I realized God forgave me when I sinned and His love for us is so outrageous that He was willing to die on the cross for us to pay for our sins. God forgave me when I was so difficult to love. He forgave those who persecuted Him at the cross of Calvary, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:34) There is just so much I needed to learn and grown in this area. What would Jesus have done if He was me? Would He be petty and remember the wrongs? No, He would be gracious and forgiven them instead of staying angry. That was when I realised how petty and small-minded I was. That would not have made me any different from others. Being Christian is about dying to oneself, our own selfish ways and taking up the cross, being more Christ-like in our everyday lives, it is definitely not easy and God has opened my eyes to this during exchange.

Luke 9:23

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

Jesus, help me to be more like you each and everyday.